40+ Doctors Share Stories of Patients Who Lacked Common Sense

We can't get enough medical dramas like ER, Grey's Anatomy, and The Good Doctor. While these stories are made for TV, in real life, doctors truly see it all. All kinds of people who lack basic common sense show up to their offices, keeping things interesting. From women not knowing how they got pregnant to men accidentally shooting themselves while doing yard work, these medical professionals took to Reddit to share the craziest patients they've encountered. You'll be wondering how these people have made it this far in life.

Bounce Back

U/Kretuhtuh: "Had a buddy who was an EMT, he was called out to a location for a gunshot wound. Apparently what happened is a father was mowing his lawn when he accidentally touched part of the mower near the engine and burned his hand. He got mad at the lawnmower, pulled out his pistol, and shot it. The bullet ricocheted and hit his son in the leg."

Just Accept It

U/pharma91: "As a pharmacist: everyone who comes in to buy homeopathic c---, especially for serious things. Once a lady came in with a prescription from the dentist, for some heavy antibiotics and painkillers due to an infection that threatened to damage the jawbone. When I asked if she knew how to take them she went: ‘Oh I’m not gonna take those, they’ll go right into the garbage. But I gotta buy them so that my dentist is happy. I’ll rather stick with [insert name of homeopathic c--- here] instead of poisoning me with some devilish chemicals!’ Throughout the years I’ve learned to just shrug and accept…instead of arguing with them. Just infuriates me when I see that they’ve got children or/and pets…"

Blowing Off Steam

U/Shelliton: "I work in home health. At my last job, I had a lady call saying she was returning my call specifically…when I check for anything on her, it shows we have never received a referral or anything for her. She gets mad and starts screaming at me, won't let me get a word in…Whatever, it's slow and these calls are usually good for a laugh. She takes a breath, I say ‘ma'am, I'm not sure who called you, especially since we haven't heard of you before now…’ She interrupts with ‘no, it was definitely you, you said your name was Shelliton and you were calling from Advanced Home Health!’ Ah, we have detected the problem! I tell her ‘I see what's going on, you accidentally called Ambercare Home Health, let me get you Advanced's number.’ Then she says ‘I have it. They didn't pick up the phone, so I called you guys.’ I was not expecting that one."

Eye Spy

U/madleyJo: "Ophthalmology surgery tech: glaucoma patient in her late 50s going blind despite drop therapies for the past 6 months. I ask her if she’s using her drops regularly (twice daily) and she says yes. I ask if she’s using them properly and she gets super offended. Asks me very rudely: ‘Do I look like an i---- to you?’ I say ‘no, but I just need to be sure. Can you show me how you use your drops?’ She takes out her drop bottle, gives it a good shake…looks up at the ceiling…opens her MOUTH and swallows 2 drops. She cried and said we were bullying her, and the drops burned her eyes so she didn’t want to put them in there. Since eyes, ears, nose , and throat was all connected, why did it matter where she put them???"

Not My Fault

U/VeryAttractive: "For those that don't know, after a total knee replacement, you basically have a 6-week window after the surgery to regain the range of motion. If you don't regain the range in those first 6 weeks, it ain't coming back. Had a patient who was a farmer…showed him all the basic exercises, told him to not do any farm work for at least 6 weeks, and told him to come back to see me once a week for the first 6 weeks. He disappeared and came back about 8 weeks later. His range was non-existant…He was visibly mad at me…actually was shouting and calling me incompetent. Our conversation went something like this: ‘Have you been doing the exercises?’ ‘No’ ‘How often are you doing farm work?’ ‘Every day’ ‘So to summarize here, you did absolutely nothing that I told you to, and this is somehow my fault?’"

Self Medicated

"Lady brings her baby into the ER with a rectal temp of 103. Refuses all medications. Says she doesn't believe in them and wonders why her herbal tea (she brought a jug of it) isnt working. Try to explain why the kid needs an nsiad. Keeps refusing. Says she doesn't know what's in it. I bring up that fact she had her kid in a hospital, and that she recovered medication herself (IV, epidural, etc). Doesn't budge. Only concerned for herself, told her that when the kid has a seizure or goes unresponsive and you call 911, you can expect the medics to give the kid everything it needs regardless of whether you like it or not. Only when the doc threatened to contact social services for child endangerment and abuse did she start to listen. For like 5 whole seconds."

Questionable Logic

U/MicturitionSyncope: "Not a medical professional, but I used to volunteer at a free medical clinic to take vitals and histories. A woman came in with pneumonia and wanted to know why her normal treatment of drinking half a bottle of Listerine and smoking a pack…a day wasn't working. I asked why she thought smoking was good treatment for a lung infection and she said, 'Indians used to purify the ground by burning all the weeds away before planting, so I'm smoking to purify my lungs.' I left that one to the doctor."

Thick Blooded

U/Officer_Hotpants: "I think one of my favorites was a patient that came in with chest pain. Dude had 3 prior heart attacks, a pulmonary embolism, and a stroke over the past decade. I started an IV and was trying to draw his blood but it was just not coming out. It was like syrup. I flushed the line repeatedly and just could not get anything even though it was a fairly decent size IV (18g if you know it). While I'm getting his blood I'm asking about his current symptoms and his history. I ask if he takes blood thinners and he said he has a prescription but doesn't take them when I asked why he says, I s--- you not, ‘I didn't want my blood to get flat.’ So no f------ wonder he's had clots to all of his major organs."

Bottoms Up

"Paramedic. Elderly woman complains that her mouth is dry and she felt a bit dizzy climbing the stairs earlier. Go through the whole rigamarole of getting a medical history, vitals, more detail on symptoms. Ask her what she's had to drink today. A cup of tea, ten hours ago. Any water? No. Guess what fixed it within five minutes. This woman was absolutely flabbergasted when I told her that she needs to drink water every day."

Southern Hospitality

U/andante528: "Parents claim their child hasn't eaten anything before surgery, as they were carefully directed. Turns out they thought the surgical team was just being cruel to their child and when she said she was hungry that morning, they detoured on their way to the surgical center and got her a full Southern breakfast. I've rarely seen my brother so angry (and disgusted - somehow biscuits and gravy looks even more nauseating the second time around)…I have no doubt he tore a strip off the parents once their five-year-old was stabilized, and they probably still felt justified and angry at the surgeon for telling them what they could and could not feed their child right before anesthesia…The parents did in fact feel justified and hard-done-by…Definitely no acknowledgment or realization that they could easily have killed their own child or that they'd made a bad decision."

Not Adding Up

U/DifficultLand3045: "A patient came to me with a swelling in the inguinal region, which was likely inguinal hernia. Just when I was about to examine him, I observed that his ears were pierced and he was wearing a thread through those piercing… I was surprised. Usually, I see ear rings or some other metal. So I asked him why he was wearing a tiny rope? He said it was to treat the swelling(hernia)! To admit that I didn't laugh hysterically would be an absolute lie…"

Relevant Information

U/Albablu: "This was one of the funniest yet cutest one, was a studen doing a shift in Andrology/reproductive health Doc: So you’re trying to have kids but not managing to. So do you have any other kid? Patient: *yes Doc I have one. * Doc: *ok so we need to do this and this and that * Patient: Ok great Then he proceeds to visit him and stuff, after which he goes away. After a couple secs he knocked the door again saying: Hello Doc, my wife told me that it would be relevant to you that the son I have is adopted, but that’s make no difference to me I always considered my own son!"

Too Little Too Late

U/V_imaginary: "I’m a pharmacist. One evening shift…A man comes in looking distressed. Man: I had…relations with a woman I do not intend to pursue a long term relationship with. Me: we have this medication called Plan B, and since the incident happened within 72 hours-Man: oh yes, I got that for her already…We want to know if there is anything we can do to know if she is pregnant now. Me: unfortunately not. She’ll have to wait 3 weeks or so to see if she gets her period, and if she doesn’t then she can do a pregnancy test then. Man: we’re just really anxious because she really doesn’t want to be pregnant. Is there anything that she can take to prevent the pregnancy? Me: she’s already taken it, which was the plan B. And no, there are no over-the-counter products she can take. Man: What about me? Is there anything I can take now to prevent the pregnancy? Me:…..No sir. There isn’t anything you can take now"

Special Diet

U/GetKobeonTNT: "Had a patient when I was a pharmacy resident get repeatedly admitted to the hospital due to CHF complications (shortness of breath, fluid overload, etc.). She had been advised to follow a low sodium diet but no one had asked her what she had actually been eating. I asked what she usually ate for lunch and she said instant ramen noodles every day, but she only added the seasoning packet and a little salt."

That Can't Be Right

U/Floor_Fourteen: "Pharmacist here. Woman comes in claiming her medication was making her vomit. Says she can't remember what it is called. I look up her profile and there is nothing recent, just one-off antibiotics and anti-fungal from almost a year ago. I ask her if it was over the counter and she said it was, she pointed me to the Monistat cream. I thought it was incredibly strange that a v------ cream was making her vomit so I asked how she had been using it. She was taking it by mouth. She says she would fill the plunger with the cream and shoot it to the back of her throat and swallow it so she wouldn't taste it as much as putting it directly on her tongue and swallowing."

Take a Deep Breath

U/TheAgentLoki: "One guy was on such a high concentration that he would have drawn nearly zero oxygen from breathing regular atmosphere. This required 2 heavy duty machines…just to keep him barely alive. This was explained…to him and his wife…They'd shut one machine off because they decided it was too loud. He'd take his mask off because he decided it was too cold…literally everything…that would restrict or cut off his oxygen intake. Then they would panic and call our emergency service…the call would always come to me to ‘fix’ the machines at random times of the day and night, 3-7 days a week. This went on for ages…until he was having trouble sleeping one night and shut the machines off before going back to bed…I still see the wife around town, she always glares at me as if I'm the one who killed him."

She’s Got Some Gall

"I was called into a courtroom after a patient accused us of causing her gallbladder infection post-surgery and demanded $300k in compensation. Me: There's no way her gall bladder is infected. Lawyer: These reports prove otherwise! Me: They're fake! Judge: How can you be so sure? Me: Because I'm a doctor. And from my professional experience, I can tell you she’s been eating nothing but greasy fast food since the surgery, which is likely the real culprit. Common sense can sometimes be rarer than we'd like to believe."

Stomach Issues

"Anesthesiologist here. Part of me thinks I went into medicine because I'm inherently nosy. Anyway, in my last year of residency, we had this young patient and her husband. She thought she was pregnant, as her periods had stopped and her belly was getting bigger. I don't know why she didn't go and see an OB but….anyway. She was at home at a point where she thought she was '8 or 9 months pregnant', felt 'something pop' and a sharp pain and thought she was going into labor. Then, her legs went numb and she could no longer walk -she and her husband didn't didn’t know what had happened so they rushed to the hospital. Soon, they found out it wasn’t a baby she was growing inside her, but an intense case of Chorn’s disease that caused stomach bloating and eventually led to Acute transverse myelitis. A segment of her spinal cord was inflamed and immediately caused a feeling of mild paralysis in her legs. It was a good thing she could come to the hospital so quickly. Otherwise, the situation might’ve been a lot different."

In the Flesh

"Removed 14 lbs of infected flesh from a man's groin. He refused to admit that he had a problem, insisting that the growth was 'totally natural' and because he was 'well endowed'. When I tried to explain that this was neither healthy nor normal, he wouldn’t listen. It was only when I showed him the lump I’d removed, that weighed the same as a small dog, that he even believed there was anything unusual."

Delivering Surprises

U/svinch: “OBGYN rotations, I was delivering my first baby. It was an older lady from the rural side of town. When I asked her to push as the baby had fully crowned, a wad of worms exited her a---. I'm talking at least 60 live worms. I gagged so hard, but managed to keep a straight face throughout and deliver the baby. I realized then and there that OBGYN was not for me.”

DIY Pregnancy

"They had an Amish couple come in, saying that the wife couldn't get pregnant. They ran a couple of tests, and didn’t find anything wrong—she showed great signs of fertility. It turned out that they had been trying at-home insemination with a turkey baster, and that was the source of the problem. Nothing to do with her at all."

Heart Dropping

"A weird patient came into the ER saying that his heart stops beating everytime he goes to the washroom. I'm a nurse and couldn't figure it out and then he went on explaning how it only happens for about 20-30 seconds and then he goes back to normal. It was very unsual. Then his face immediately went pale, 'I have to go to the washroom'. The doctor wasn't here yet, so I gave him a device so I could monitor his heart and he went in. And the doctor who read his reports came rushing, 'YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT HE'S DOING. GET HIM OUT!!' It turned out that every time he went to use the washroom, he held his breath to the point of passing out. His heart rate started dropping and we banged on the door. Luckily he hadn’t locked it and we were able to get to him just before he fell. Guess that mystery is solved."

Sick Burn

"The EMTs rushed to the ER a woman whose entire head was covered in gauze. The woman was screaming in pain. ME: What happened here?! EMT: She said that her makeup melted her face… We wrapped gauze around it…I took off the gauze carefully and I was deeply appalled by the sight. Her entire face was red and, indeed melted. She mumbled, 'It's the makeup… This lady online said that if I can make it last longer using acetone, it’ll even out my skin tone.' Oh, it evened her skin tone alright—the burns were consistent across her entire face."

Spooky Surprise

"Got a call from an elderly man who wanted me to check on his wife. He said that his wife had been lying in bed all morning. We went there as fast as we could. The second we opened the house, we were welcomed by an ungodly scene. The house smelled like rotten egg and the humidity was awful. I opened their bedroom and immediately gagged. His wife was there on the bed, decomposing. But then it gets worse. I looked at the guy and noticed a huge open wound in his stomach, with blood pouring out. We rushed to help him when suddenly he burst into laughter and his wife sat up. 'We got you!' they cackled together, 'Happy Halloween!' I did not see the funny side."

Rinse and Repeat

"For years, I've dealt with patients who lacked any common sense. One day, a young woman came in complaining about a strange smell that wouldn't go away. Doctor: (sniffing) It's definitely a strong odor. Have you tried cleaning your living area? Patient: Uh, yeah, but it's not coming from there. I even threw away all my trash. Doctor: (facepalming) Okay, let's try something else. Have you checked your personal hygiene? Patient: Yeah, I shower every day, but the smell is still there. Doctor: And when you shower, what products are you using? Patient: What do you mean products? I use water…It turns out that this patient hadn’t been using shampoo, conditioner, shower gel, or even soap. Long story short, the patient is fine and she now smells great."

Oh, That's Right

U/U/Dr.DaveStukus: "Why wasn't I taught in med school that Himalayan Salt could cure my asthma, improve my mood, boost my immunity, AND restore my blood pH levels? How can this simple chemical work such magic on so many different parts of my complex human physiology? Oh, that's right - it can't."

Rule Breaker

"I'm a doctor, and I had an inpatient for some severe heart conditions. It was essential for the patient to take some capsules daily under supervision, but it recently came to my attention that my patient has been taking only HALF of the capsules. I confronted her: Me: You're not really supposed to open the pill. It's bad to do that. And where's the nurse? Her: Well, the nurse had told me this works better. Me: No it doesn't. Can I know where she is? Nurse wears the doctors coat* I wouldn’t deal with that kind of thing. I’m a doctor. We don’t supervise patients taking capsules. Me: No, you’re not, you’re a nurse. What are you talking about? That’s your job. Turned out the nurse was having some kind of breakdown and had decided to impersonate a doctor. Half the patients on the ward had been listening blindly to her advice and were deteriorating. It took a lot of sorting out to get them all healthy again and the nurse was suspended."

Stinky Solution

"In my years as a doctor, I've encountered patients who lacked common sense, but none like this one. Doctor: (frustrated) I swear, some people are just unbelievable! Patient: What's wrong? Doctor: Well, I had a patient who was complaining about a strange smell. Turns out, they hadn't taken a bath in weeks! Patient: Are you serious? How can someone let themselves get that bad? Doctor: That's not even the worst part. When I asked if their husband knew, they had no idea what I was talking about. Patient: What do you mean? Doctor: They had no clue that their husband might have noticed the smell. When I suggested they try taking a bath and seeing if the smell went away, they looked at me as though I’d just come up with a groundbreaking idea. Apparently, it was cold in their house and they hadn’t wanted to get undressed. Patient: What happened in the end? Doctor: They finally took a bath. Smell gone. Case closed."

Blind Leading the Blind

"Mexican doctor here. Got a call from a patient who wanted me to check on his wife since she had been laying in bed all morning. When I arrived I could smell rotten eggs and humidity in the room. Open the door and a body lays there, decomposed (probably 2-3 weeks), and the stench was strong because the mattress was all soggy due to the body liquids draining all over flesh. I took the poor old man outside and perform quick exploration, finding his left eye is moving uncontrollably and non-respondent to light. We call his family and I give them the news. Turns out he had been an epileptic his who had such severe seizures that he was barely functioning himself. Since he hadn’t even noticed his dead wife for weeks, I knew this was a case of epilepsy so severe, that he would need 24/7 care from now on. How he managed to call me on the telephone, I have no idea."

Picky Mommy

"Lady brings her baby into the ER with a rectal temp of 103. Refuses all medications. Says she doesn't believe in them and wonders why her herbal tea (she brought a jug of it) isnt working. Try to explain why the kid needs an nsiad. Keeps refusing. Says she doesn't know what's in it. I bring up that fact she had her kid in a hospital, and that she recovered medication herself (IV, epidural, etc). Doesn't budge. Only concerned for herself, told her that when the kid has a seizure or becomes severely dehydrated, then she would regret her decision. Luckily her partner arrived in the nick of time and convinced her to let the baby receive treatment and they recovered quickly. Let’s hope she learned her lesson."

Stand-In

U/Kenobi_01: "I have a heard a story about a patient on whom it was impressed that she couldn't miss her fractions of radiotherapy if she was busy, and to inform us if she couldn't make the appointment. She couldn't make it. So she sent her twin sister to receive the radiation therapy in her place. She answered yes to all the ID Questions. Had the same birthday etc. It was noticed when radiographers had trouble matching her to the CT. Because the CT was of a person who had undergone a mastectomy. Whilst the ‘patient’, still had both b------. This, many years later, is told to new staff during training about the importance of ensuring correct identification - because you would be stunned the number of people who try to skip the queue. The number isn't high. But it isn't Zero."

Bad Joke

U/De4thMonkey: "I used to be a surgical technologist and have since moved up. One time, some guy thought it would be funny to pretend to have a seizure right as we administered anesthesia. He apparently looked up malignant hyperthermia, which is a severe action to anesthesia that could end in death. And as he was going under, we couldn't wake him so we had to bring the crash cart out and call a code blue in the OR to get this guy up. We did not do his elective surgery after that."

Color Me Red

U/the_topiary: "Optometrist here. Patient booked in for an emergency appointment, with a raging red eye. Clearly very painful…Look under the microscope and the cornea is really not happy, wobbly reflexes, haziness, the works. Me: ‘What happened?’ Patient: ‘It's my niece's wedding this Saturday, and I wanted to tint my eyelashes to match my hair and the colour scheme of the wedding [light blue], so I used the same dye for both to match the colour’. Me: ‘Does that hair dye contain ammonia, by any chance?’ Patient: ‘I think so. Do you think my eye will be better by Saturday? Will it match the colour scheme?’ Me: ‘Unless you can convice then to change the colour scheme to red, no’."

Infant Interpreter

U/PlatypusTickler: "My wife had one yesterday. A person came in with a baby. The patient said, 'well I can't speak for the baby, but I have a cough and a sore throat.' My wife asked, 'if you can't speak for the baby, then who can?' The patient was dumbfounded. Perplexed about who could speak for her baby."

Snacking Away

U/brentonbond: "ED doc. I save a bunch of ridiculous chief complaints, but I had this one recently: 'Patient complains of sore gums after eating too many Zapp's spicy cajun potato chips. Pt currently with bag in hand, eating chips'. Believe it or not, people come to the ER all the time for stuff like this. People talk about how advanced humans are now, but I just think about these others who are holding our species back."

Natural Approach

U/birdlawprofessor: "I'm a vet. A few years ago I had a client bring his young cat in complaining of lethargy. Besides being a bit underweight, the physical exam was unremarkable so I asked more questions about the cat's diet: Me: What do you feed the cat? Owner: [online trendy raw food brand] Me: How much do you feed him? Owner: 1/2 cup. Me: Once or twice daily? Owner: Once every 3 or 4 days. Me: …….. You only feed your cat twice a week? Owner: I believe in a more natural feeding approach, and based on my research that's how often cats eat in the wild. This owner was slowly starving his cat to death…I had to explain to him that domestic cats are not tigers, and that small wildcats eat 10-20 small meals daily. Surprise surprise the cat's lethargy and weight improved with regular feeding."

Yellow Trouble

U/TestAnxietyIsReal: "I do cancer research. One of the patients opted to refuse chemotherapy to pursue natural therapies. That natural therapy consisted of urine therapy. Every day they were drinking their urine but that wasn't even the strangest part. They were also boiling their urine down to where it was only a powder (of what I assume would be crystalized urea) and smoking it…To no surprise, their cancer progressed and they ended up receiving chemotherapy."

Just a Trim

U/ChaplnGrillSgt: "But the one that got me the most was a guy who came in for chest pain and fatigue. Ekg revealed he was having a really bad heart attack. Activated or cath lab for emergency stents to hopefully save the guys life. They almost always access the patient through the groin for the procedure so one of our jobs in the ER is to shave the patients groin to prep them for cath lab. We get the clippers out…and informed the guy we needed to shave him. He refused. No problem, we will let cath lab do it once he's knocked out. Nope, guy refuses to sign the consent for the stents because he doesn't want his p---- shaved. After trying to educate him, pleading with him…The guy signed him self out AMA and went home. He would rather die than have his curlies shaved. Doubt he survived the day."

Caught Yellow Handed

U/ClassicDust8431: "I am a dermatologist in India. As is the culture here, people eat with their hands, and almost all of our curries or even other dry side dishes have a lot of turmeric. It is common knowledge to anyone born and brought up in India, that this means the nails of your dominant hand…are going to be yellow-stained…Usually this wears off in about a day and a half if you wash it a couple of times. Cut to the first patient in my OPD, a young girl in her early 20s, very anxious. Me : ‘What brings you here today?’ P : ‘Doc, my right hand fingernails keep getting yellow discoloured…And only after meals.’ Me : ‘..do you eat with your hands?’ P : ‘Yes, always.’ Me : ‘So…You know it's just turmeric right?’ P : ‘Yes, but can you make it stop happening.’ Me : ‘For God's sake, use a spoon.’ P : ‘So you mean there is no medicine to make it stop?’ Me : NO!"

Strong Swimmers

U/NAMomx3: "Had an 18 or 19 year old girl come in my ER with some complaint that required an X-ray. It’s standard that we do a urine pregnancy test prior to imaging on any female of childbearing years. She insisted she’d never had s-- and there was zero possibility of pregnancy. We did the test anyway and it resulted that she was pregnant. We did a blood pregnancy test to confirm the result…That was positive too. We gave her a few minutes to herself to figure out what the h--- happened, and when I returned to check on her…she asked me if she could get pregnant even though her boyfriend, ‘didn’t go all the way in.’ It took nearly a half hour of explaining reproduction to her for her to understand that whether it’s halfway in or all the way in s---- travel."

Full of It

U/xsate: "Woman comes in with no prenatal care to labor and delivery in labor. OBGYN Resident taking a history: Do you have any allergies? Patient: yes I’m allergic to water. Resident: …ok… what kind of reaction happens when you drink water? Patient: oh it makes me pee. Yeah lady that’s a feature not a bug."

Crystal Therapy

U/OriginalCharacterDNS: "Plenty, although the one that always sticks in my mind is a patient I met during my early years on a palliative care ward suffering from terminal cancer. She was only in her early thirties, and the only reason she had gotten so far gone was that she had relied on the healing power of crystals rather than… you know…chemotherapy."

Bloody Mess

U/Apprehensive-Emu-570: "I don’t know if cleaner in a hospital counts but this one time I got to work early on a Saturday morning and we immediately received a request for help from the ER and got send over by my boss. When I got there the first thing I heard was yelling from this guy behind one of the curtains. He was shouting at the nurses ‘don’t touch my p----!’ and ‘I didn’t use any d----!’…then I found out there was blood all over the hallway, hand prints in blood against the wall. Almost the entire floor was covered in blood with actual puddles in some places. The guy pulled out his catheter causing arterial bleeding and decided to run away from the nurses who were trying to help him. I never seen that much blood before that day nor after."

Sticky Situation

U/stufff: "I know of a doctor who once had a patient come in for burns on both of his hands. The patient had been working with hot glue gun and thought that the glue didn't actually seem to be very hot, so applied some to the palm of his hands to test the temperature. It was extremely hot and painful so the patient attempted to remove it…by grabbing it with the fingers of his other hand."

Red Hot

"This woman came to me saying her make up would melt off her face. That was the first time I ever heard that, she kept insisting that she has skin cancer and is really scared. I told her I needed to do a thorough examination and sent her with some nurses for some tests. 10 minutes later, I hear a scream from the emergency room. I rushed there and asked them what they were doing in the emergency room. The nurse had red cheeks, she said to me, 'The m-make up… It melts my face' I checked and screamed that it was having the same effect on everything it came into contact with. Once the patient had calmed down, we asked her what kind of makeup she was using. She said a regular brand but mentioned that she adds bleach to the foundation to make it last longer. No wonder it was melting her face."

Bad Idea

U/Badira: "Nurse here. Had a patient with a tibial plateau fracture, that demanded to see the doctor because she wanted to quit her antithrombotic medication (bad idea). According to her it gave her a dry mouth. I explained to her that it was no known side effect of that drug. This lady had type 2 diabetes and administered her own insulin. Dry mouth is a side effect of high blood sugar. Tested her blood sugar, it was too high…Turns out she was using the same needle twice…these particular needles are single use, so she only got half the dose."

Hippie Dippie

U/angelsexist666: "Former vet tech. Had a women scream at me and my vet for telling her it's the law to have your dog vaccinated against rabies. She said the rabies vaccine causes autism in dogs and makes puppies stupid. Side note: 3 weeks later her puppy died of parvo. She got another one immediately after and did not clean her home. 2 more died in the following months. Animal control and the city had to get involved."

Cheating the System

U/BeardedDad: "People have to use laxatives because they have to be clean for the doctor to be able to see with the camera. With the laxatives they have to drink a lot of fluid, 3, maybe 4 liters total iirc (about 3/4 gallon to a gallon). Some people just don’t do it because it tastes bad. Some people do laxate…but still eat. Some think the doctor just won’t notice. Yeah Margaret, they won’t notice that your colon isn’t empty when they go in there with an HD camera! They just don’t understand why they do it, even though everything is explained by the doctor, and they get brochures and a link to the website via email. And believe me, I’ve seen the brochures and website, an average 8 year old could understand…"

Lollipop Loophole

U/ToxDoc: "Working midnight in the ER. Family brings in a 4 year old at 2 am-ish. I ask them what is wrong. Them: 'Ask him (the 4 year old). He said he needed to see a doctor.' Me: 'Did he say anything was wrong?' Them: 'No. He said he needed to see a doctor, so brought him.' [A quick back and forth that firmly establishes that they actually showed up in the ER at 2 am, purely because the 4 year old said he needed to see a doctor and they don’t know why] Me to child: 'Why do you need to see a doctor?' Kid: 'The doctor has suckers.' Me: 😳 To be clear, it is the parents who lack sense and not the kid."

Is that Contagious?

U/justanotherjtad: "Someone asked me how you catch a stroke. This is as the partner of said person was on the floor unable to stand due to left sided weakness/no power. They both thought he could sleep it off over night and be fine in the morning. 12hours later they decided they'd phone the doctors to ask if there was anything the dr could give the person on the floor who was also now incontinent. They didn't even get worried during the previous day when his face drooped on the left side and he was slurring his speech. I said he has had a stroke, ‘Oh how do you catch one of those?’"

Alternative Methods

U/MonkBigT: "So this 60 something year old suffers from an acute complication and gets a Pacemaker…Everything goes normally…he recovers…meds that he needs to take are prescribed…and medical appointments with a Cardiologist/Arritmologist are scheduled…The man then prooceds to never show up to any appointment…This went on for around 3 years. Until he shows up without former warning and asks to talk with the doctor that did the procedure to put his pacemaker. The man explains he has been wearing his daughters bra for 3 months after his ‘problem’ got worse. The shirt is asked to be taken off and there he stands…showing off the pacemaker, that should have been kept inside his body, dangling outside of it, being hold by the left bra cup, with a big infected open wound above it with the pacemaker leads still inserted onto his veins and connected to his heart."

Sweet Relief

U/coulsonsrobohand: "Am a medical professional, but I have…ones from my ex-fiancé. Laugh at me all you want, this relationship was not my proudest moment. he had really bad eczema and went to a doctor for it who suggested oatmeal baths during flare ups. He bought a couple boxes of Quaker Oats Maple & Brown Sugar and would dump than entire box packet by packet into the tub. It was a couple weeks before I found the wrappers and questioned him about it. He told me…that he wondered why he was so sticky…and why the….literal brown sugar was making his open wounds fester. I explained an oatmeal bath is not flavored oatmeal and that he had to buy either plain oats or actual oatmeal bath packets. When I asked him why he picked maple and brown sugar, he said he didn’t want to smell like strawberries or peaches after his bath."

Ignorance is Bliss

U/ThomasToHandle: "I'm a social worker and one of my clients literally kept getting pregnant over and over after having kids. And I had a frank conversation with her about Birth control or getting her tubes tied because she kept going through horrific births only to get her kids taken away, and she actually said to me that she didn't know that birth control or safe s-- would save her from getting pregnant. She didn't realize that s-- = pregnant because she was…abused as a child and her father told her that she could only get pregnant when she's in love, and she had never been in love; so she didn't understand why she kept getting pregnant. S-- was only pleasure for her, so she didn't realize that was what was having her get pregnant."

Ice Cream You Scream

U/TaTenk: "Had a diabetic…who refused to take insulin since 2012, it was 2020 at the time. When I took his blood sugar is only read as ‘HI’ meaning it was over 700 for glucometer to not read it. Upon seeing this, he asked me if that was high and then went ‘Is this cause of all the ice ceam I ate’… It took this man less than fifty paces from the ER door to rip off his bandage covering his IV and play with the IV wound until it started bleeding all over the place again. Knocked on our ambulance door and asked for a bandaid to fix it. We had to walk him back into the ER and bandaged his entire arm with gauze so that, hopefully, by the time he got it off it would’ve clotted enough for him to not end up exsanguinating himself."

Squeaky Clean

U/TooShyToSayHi: "A family members worked at a hospital and had a patient come in with really strange physical and seemingly neurological issues. Couldn’t figure out what was causing it. Didn’t match anything he knew of and tests were inconclusive. He asked her to walk him through her day. Turns out she was drinking a cup of bleach a day and bathing in it to keep clean and healthy her whole life. Same with her family…Who all died very young. She could not accept that drinking bleach was bad for her health"

Stacking Bills

U/Helloitsmommy: "Ems checking in. Late 20s male called 911 for a mild headache, no alarming symptoms, middle of allergy season. Being good medics we check all the things, totally normal vitals, no fever, no medical history. Just a mild headache that started about 30 minutes prior. Do he take tylenol or ibuprofen or anything? Nope. He wanted to go to the ER to 'let the doctors handle it'. Imagine the bills…"

Flick of the Wrist

U/dumptrucklegend: "I work in orthopedic rehab. Had a patient with a common fracture of the wrist the doctor sent over since she was inexplicably getting stiffer and stiffer. I spent 17 sessions with her, 40ish minutes each 1-1 time. Instead of just bending her wrist she would contort her entire body. She had a career, married, raised kids, and seemingly functional adult. I tried everything to have her actively use her muscles to move her wrist. In front of a mirror, videos of myself doing the exercise, her doing it, and trying to spot the difference of moving your shoulder vs your wrist. The last time I saw her I even strapped her arm to a chair and she didn’t understand she was just trying to move her wrist. I will never understand it."

Retaining Heat

U/Shoes__Buttback: "Ambulance service in the UK. Our summers now top 40c/104f with very high humidity, and our buildings are mostly built to retain heat and rarely have AC. I regularly attend people - mostly the elderly - who are sat in the extreme heat wearing multiple thick clothing layers with the windows shut. Ask them if they've been drinking plenty of fluids - oh yes, I had a cup of tea earlier, and my porridge had milk in it. I'm no Quincy but I think we might have narrowed down the source of you feeling unwell…"

Return Policy

U/scheisse-wurst: "Dentist here. Once a stressed receptionist asked me to help her interpretate a call. I thought maybe the patient was speaking some foreign language. No. She just wanted me to confirm that the patient was asking for his property back, that we 'took' from him last year. Last year actually being 4 years ago but I guess time flies? And his property being a tooth we sent to grind into slides for analysis. While explaining that it was impossible for us to return his tooth he started going on about 'his rights' and 'his property.'"

Fast Foodie

U/pancakesquest1: "NAD but a patient and was roomsharing with another girl who needed surgery. Her instructions were not to eat. Every few hours she’d convince someone (family members) to bring her fast food. The doctor was frustrated and refused to do the surgery till she stopped eating. She needed a clear stomach. She could not get a grasp on this and said she had no choice but to eat cause she was hungry. I was moved to another room on the third day but she still hadn’t had surgery by the time I had moved."

Diabetic Dog

U/vol-au-vents: "Work at a vet clinic. One of the worst I've seen was an older owner come in with their extremely overweight, diabetic dog. Owner says the dog has been slow, tires easily, and has been ‘flopping around’, which is odd for her. Doctor checks her blood glucose and it is so high, it is literally off the charts. Normal blood glucose for a dog is around 100 or so. This dog was beyond 1000. We ask the owners how it got so high. Were you giving her the insulin? The owners proceed to say that they think she's probably fine without it, she's a ‘strong and hardy dog’. Ma'am, your 9 year old 80 pound dalmatian is currently half alive on the floor because you don't give her the insulin. How they kept that poor dog alive that long was astounding."

Most Important Meal

U/lovelyladlelumps: "Saw a comment once of a woman who was advised to eat a packet of oatmeal for breakfast each morning to help with her weight. She came back in for checkups over the course of many months and was somehow gaining weight faster and blood work was getting worse even though she swore up and down she was following the diet. Everyone was baffled until they questioned her further and learned that she had been eating a packAGE of oatmeal COOKIES every morning for breakfast."

Know it All

U/dragonkin08: "I work in veterinary medicine and clients are absolute i----- who are convinced that they are the smartest people in the world. People will believe just about anyone else over the advice of their veterinarian. Their breeder, their relatives, their lawn mower, the person bagging their groceries. I had a client blind their cat with tea tree oil because they read about it on the internet. Clients change their pet's medication dose for whatever reason. Not follow post op instructions causing their pet to pet to eviscerate itself or blow the knee we just repaired. Feed their dog pot roast with garlic and onions as their ‘bland diet’ for gi upset…last week I had a client scream at me because we didn't give her an exam room with a view. We don't have exam rooms with outside windows."

Flying Bullets

U/anoukdowntown: "I had a patient who had a bullet lodged in her leg. We had the surgeon come and assess her. Based on its placement, he suggested leaving it because removing it could cause even more serious danger. We discharged her. She immediately walked to the ER in the same hospital to complain of leg pain. She had prescriptions and wound supplies in her hand. They brought her back…The exact same surgeon was on-call and came to assess her. Guess what!? Same suggestion to leave it. We educated her EXTENSIVELY about never getting an MRI or the bullet will fly out of her skin. She returns a few months later at a sister hospital complaining of a headache. Admitted inpatient and you guessed it. They did an MRI. The bullet ripped out and the MRI machine was down for almost a week!"